Happy Anniversary! Two years ago I launched I’m Not Grandpa—kinda sorta. I posted the Introduction, on September 26th 2014 and a second post shortly afterward. Esther and I were well into a high-risk pregnancy and my mind was elsewhere, so I took a break from blogging until after the baby was born.
Parenthood was overwhelming for this cranky old dad so it took me months to hit my stride as a parent and find my voice as a writer. Looking back I may have been overthinking it. The first few weeks of dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and friends stopping by to see the baby provided material, I just needed to sort through it.
Two years ago today, my second first post went live. A lot’s changed in two years. Entertaining a toddler requires more attention than a newborn—the sleepless nights and writers block are about the same.
Fatherhood and blogging are two of my favorite things—I’m learning as I go.
Here are some of my favorite posts from the past year.
Seven Things to Know Before Having Kids – This is my most read post. My public service describing the sacrifices parents make captured the attention of both parents and non-parents. If you are thinking of starting a family check it out here.
Parenting Against Memories of the Past – Being a parent means you get second guessed—a lot. This post is the result of a lot of subtle, who am I kidding about subtle, second guessing from our family elders. Parents learn as they go, grandparents and older relatives critique your new skillset. Oh selective memory is a wonderful thing. This post is the result of spending too much time with family, check it out here.
Five Signs You Need a Night Out – I wrote this while experiencing Cabin Fever. Spending the winter in a sensory-deprivation chamber changing diapers, watching Sesame Street, Pepa Pig and CNN’s coverage of the 2016 Presidential Primaries had me screaming for a night out. If you are parent who isn’t sure whether or not you need a night out, I posted this helpful guide.
Remembering Dad A Year Later – This change of pace post was written a year after my Dad passed away. I miss my Dad—he was old-school man of honor who spent years paying forward the kindness of an old friend named Viña. He was a man of simple pleasures, family, a backyard barbeque and a nice glass of wine. He made parenting look easy and taught me as much by his actions as he did with his words. Read about him here.
Am I the Only One with Sore Nipples – I write about my experiences in Mommy and Me Class. I channeled my parents as we explored finger painting, confusing orange goldfish and orange play doh, and debating whether or not a bringing a cooler full of light beer with me was a bad idea. Read about it here.
I’m excited to announce I’m Not Grandpa’s first Guest Post. Please allow me to introduce my new friend Lisa E Hill, a Child Development Consultant and Blogger.
It’s in our nature as human beings to always be comparing. It’s what we do every day in a myriad of situations and environments, we compare. Technology and the wonderful world of the Internet, has given us the ability to quickly read reviews on products and restaurants, thus comparing.
Is it not assumed that when we become mothers that we will continue to compare? It happens, but it is rarely something we will think about the months leading up to the delivery of our tiny humans. Oh sure, we will compare what breast pump to buy or what stroller to register for. We will compare child care centres and mini vans. But, the unspoken truth is we will compare the development of our babies to our friends babies and the babies we meet along the way. We will enter into the anxiety ridden, Google searching and Doctor calling comparing mom.
How do we get a hold of ourselves and take control over our constant comparing and worrying?
TIP #1 – IT’S NATURAL
Always remember that comparing is natural. It’s how we weed out the bad and focus on the good. It’s how you ended up with your sports car edition of the mini van.
However, it’s important to get a grip on the amount of time you spend comparing. Although it’s natural, it’s not natural to be completely overwhelmed and focused on comparing. If it starts to affect your ability to be present and involved with your child, you need to stop, take a breath and focus on why you are so worried.
TIP #2 – YOU WORRY FOR A REASON
Yes, you are now a mom. You have committed to an entire life of worry. You will worry about tiny things and bigs things.
I’m not telling you not to compare, I’m here to educate you on how to compare especially when it comes to your child’s overall development. You will compare, but if you have a worry then it is valid! It’s called your gut.
As my best friend was getting ready to leave my house the other day, she was talking out her worries that came straight from her continuous comparing. She finally said to me, “I need to just stop comparing!” Yes and no my friend! Comparing is natural yes, but if your worried and you continue to be worried, act on it.
TIP #3 – EDUCATE YOURSELF
There are developmental check lists available to you online, at your doctors office and various children’s centres. Take the checklists, use them and either ease your mind or call your doctor if you’re still concerned.
Whatever you do, do NOT take a bunch of “symptoms” and plug into the Google search engine! I mean it, do NOT do it! Yes, it’s easily accessible and there are SO many forums with other moms with the same concerns, but every story is different with different outcomes! Unless your googling developmental stages and expectancies, do not Google symptoms!
Education is the key to understanding and fostering your child’s development. Comparing your child’s development to children around you is natural yes, but educate yourself first. No need to get worried if you don’t need to! You have to remember that children grow and develop at varying rates!
TIP #4 – TALK IT OUT
Do not keep it all bottled up inside of you, this comparing and worrying business. Talk about it! Talk it out with your partner, your friend (yes even the ones whose child your comparing), your mom, community partners. Heck, talk it out with yourself. You have to take control of your anxiety now before it takes control over you. Talk to your anxiety and hash it out.
The more you talk about your concerns or worries, the more information you will receive. If you have talked about it, read about it and your still concerned, call your doctor. Again, go with your gut. Your still unsettled for a reason!
TIP #5 – SOCIALIZE
Do not sit in your house and analyze your child’s development over and over again. Get out and socialize. Go to community drop in’s. Visit a friend. Time and time again I have found many children who are behind in their development will flourish when consistently socialized with other children around the same age.
Getting out and socializing your child also provides them with varying environments to explore and expand on their exploding development. Not to mention it builds relationships for both you and your child!
TIP #6 – GO WITH YOUR GUT
It’s tough being a mom. No one said it would be easy and who even warned you that you were signing up for a life long sentence of worry?!
The one thing we are all equipped with is this little aching feeling that lies at the pit of our stomach and rears it’s ugly head when something feels wrong. It usually goes hand in hand with that voice in our head that also tells us that something could be wrong.
My point is, after you feel like you’ve talked about it a million times, you’ve Googled it (yes, I know you won’t listen to me and NOT Google it), you’ve provided ample opportunities to socialize and you feel like your fairly educated on it AND your STILL questioning and comparing and worrying… LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!
Remember, you compare because it’s natural, you worry for a reason and you act because you know you have to! Welcome to motherhood!
Lisa E. Hill is a Child Development Consultant who works with families who are struggling with everyday parenting issues and parents of children with Special Needs. Lisa strives to Simplify Impossible Parenting by offering strategies and suggestions, resources and 1:1 support to families worldwide. You can follow her blog Loud Parent here.
I’m reluctant to call this post a best of, or highlights, because not everything is a happy memory—but they are memorable. 2015 will be remembered as bittersweet. Esther and I experiencing the joys of parenthood was the highlight. Four family funerals and burying our dog made me wonder if we somehow pissed off the Grim Reaper.
Life is never as good as it seems when things are going well or as bad as it seems when they are going bad. This is what I remember from 2015:
Our First Full Year as Parents – Cristian was born in October 2014 so 2015 was our first full year as parents. We watched our little bundle of joy grow from a (not so) tiny newborn to rambunctious toddler. He was one of the few constants over the past year. You have no idea how many people you touched with your big smile and bigger personality. Esther and I are still amazed this adorable little boy is ours.
Dad with his first grandchild – Katie
Dad’s Memorial – My father passed away this year. Five months later his loss still leaves me numb. Although he was 89 and spent much of the past few years in doctor’s offices and hospital rooms I thought, or maybe hoped, he had a few years left.
Dad loved a good story and his funeral gave me several. At his wake I met a charming older gentleman named Serafin who’s touching stories I’ll never forget. His funeral mass included a eulogy which left mourners alternating between laughter and tears and a driving rainstorm at the cemetery soaked those paying their final respects.
What I remember most is spending time with the family at Mom’s house afterwards. Dad loved entertaining—his summer cookouts were legendary. What better way to honor his memory than swapping stories with good food, good people, and good wine, the way he used to. I’m sure El Viejo was looking down with a smile on his face.
I’m Mr. Mom – If you told me five years ago I would be Mr. Mom, I would have laughed at you, but here we are. A freelance consulting gig allows me to work from home on a laptop while Cristian plays or watches Sesame Street and Peppa Pig. I’m usually the only dad at his My Gym classes and story time at the local library. I’m lucky—I get to experience Cristian’s firsts instead of hearing about them from others.
Esther and I Celebrated Our Fifth Wedding Anniversary– On Thanksgiving Day Esther and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. Although she is sometimes the subject of a joke or two from this cranky blogger, she is what I was thankful for (not just on Thanksgiving). She introduced me to bike tours, long-distance running, and salsa (the music not the condiment). She is the Ying to my Yang and I’m lucky to have her in my life.
I’m now a Published Writer – I’ve been writing for ten years and blogging the last five. This year my work was published in a website I enjoy reading, The Good Men Project. So if I take anything away from 2015, I’m a writer, marathon runner and a badass dad.
Farewell Chico – Some will say “Why are you getting so emotional, it’s only a dog?” I understand not everyone is an animal lover and others consider dogs or cats just pets. Not us. Chico had a tremendous vibe and the ability to coax a smile from most people even non-dog people. Who doesn’t like a nice dog? Yes we spoiled him—he was our practice child before Cristian was born. My day is not the same without Chico’s morning walk.
Parenting Against Memories of the Past – Being a parent means you get second guessed—a lot. This post is the result of a lot of subtle, who am I kidding about subtle, second guessing from our family elders. Parents learn as they go, grandparents and older relatives critique your new skillset. Oh selective memory is a wonderful thing. This post is the result of spending too much time with family, check it out here.
