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What to Expect at a Weight Watcher’s Meeting

February 9, 2017October 24, 2018I'm Not Grandpa

A few posts back, I shared my battle with maintaining a healthy weight. Before stepping off the scale, my better half and I knew we had to do something. We headed back to our old standby—Weight Watchers.

If you’ve never joined Weight Watchers you may have a few preconceived notions—I did before joining. Let me clarify a few. Weight Watchers meetings are not a group of hefty soccer moms holding a low-fat muffin in one hand and a Starbucks Venti cup in the other. Members don’t sit around listening as the group leader shares the latest recipes for low-calorie baked goods. Like Mommy and Me Class Weight Watchers meetings are not strictly women-only events, men go to Weight Watchers too.

If you are undecided here are a few things I noticed.

The Weigh-in – If you want the full Weight Watchers experience, start with the weigh-in. It’s not as entertaining as The Biggest Loser but it has its moments. Picture a long line of overweight people clutching little books and stripping down to as little as possible before climbing aboard the scale. It’s not a pretty sight, or so I’ve been told—repeatedly by the wife. If you’re hyper obsessive like we are, you wake up early on weigh-in mornings looking for ways to shave off an extra half pound. We’ve taken Chico for two-mile walks, done full gym workouts, and run half-marathons before stepping on the scale.

The Plan Changes Weekly or So It Seems – If you’ve jumped on and off the program like an adrenaline junkie at the X Games, you notice the plan changes—a lot. Staring over means another post-meeting walk of shame to your group leader so you can learn the latest buzz words and changes to the Points Plus plan. The only thing changing more is the celebrity endorser—I’ve been through Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Hudson, and Oprah during my many memberships.

They Sell More Products than QVC – If you’ve taken three children to Disneyland you have an idea of the kind of money a brand-new gung-ho member can spend. Offering a full catalog of branded products including starter kits, cookbooks, and prepackaged snacks, members can easily drop more dollars than pounds on the program.

It’s an AA Meeting for Fat People – Weight Watchers is a support group for those having an unhealthy relationship with food. Although we don’t introduce ourselves, “Hi I’m Frank and I’m a fat person,” meetings offer support and encouragement during those rough weeks. The group leader offers constructive suggestions and keeps the conversation from going off course. I’ve seen meetings sidetracked for twenty or thirty minutes as members discussed Oreo binges and debated the point value for a bag of microwave popcorn. One meeting went off the rails explaining the term food porn to a confused member. To this day I’m pretty sure she thinks it means something else.

But Seriously – I keep going back because the program works. I’ve learned portion control, healthy options, and not to get too down on myself after a bad week. Since starting on January 2nd, I’ve lost 17 pounds—a good start but still a long way off from my final goal. Sitting next to members who’ve lost over 70 pounds and have maintained it over ten years says maybe there’s hope for me too.

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Nine Things No One Tells You about Two Year Olds

January 31, 2017November 6, 2018I'm Not Grandpa

Cristian taking off on the Rockaway Beach Boardwalk.

Once again it’s time for I’m Not Grandpa to provide valuable information for those considering having children. Parenthood is pretty much a learn as you go proposition. Sure you can pick up a parenting book or do a Google search but that’s time consuming.

In an effort to save time I compiled my list of Things No One Tells You about Two-Year Olds.

You Spend a Lot of Time Chasing Them – Remember how excited you were when the baby took his first steps? The excitement fades when you’re chasing after him. I coach running, I’ve lead many speed drills. Few prepared me for a hyperactive toddler possessing the curiosity of an MIT student and the speed of Usain Bolt. Over the past year, I’ve chased Cristian around playgrounds, up and down Rockaway Beach’s boardwalk, and through the aisles at Target. The cashiers at Key Food barely look up as I’m chasing him as he turns lap after lap, while my better half does the grocery shopping.

Projectile Vomit – You thought diaper blowouts were bad, wait until you’re cleaning puke. I’ve heard my share of horror stories but figured they were like nightmarish stories of appendix and gall bladder removals—not something everyone experiences. Then it happened. It starts with a splashing sound, and you find the baby standing in a puddle of vomit. It’s not just on the floor—it’s on the walls, the bedding, maybe even the ceiling. Think it’s over, not a chance. After changing the bedding and scrubbing the room with Fabuloso and bleach, he’ll puke again, just to keep you on your toes.

Tantrums are New and Improved – You thought those early tantrums were bad, wait until the baby turns two. Those early toddler tantrums were mere tremors warning you of the full-fledged earthquake looming on the horizon. Two-year old tantrums include screaming, tearless crying, kicking, banging his head on the floor, and Daddy rushing off to the bar so he could meet his tantrum-support group.

Don’t let the face fool you. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Establishing a Regular Bedtime Routine– Getting there takes work and differs from child to child. Some only need a bottle and they’re good to go. If this is you, I hate you. We turned Cristian’s bedroom into a sensory-deprivation chamber. Soundproofing the walls, puttting blackout curtains on the windows, and tiptoed around like a submarine crew rigged for silent running. Establishing a regular bedtime is important for a child’s development and his parents’ sanity.

The Consequences of Breaking the Bedtime Routine – There will be times when you break the baby’s routine. A word of warning, Keep this to an absolute minimum. Life happens, friends visit, running errands took longer than planned, or he was so cute playing with blocks and puzzles you put him to bed an hour later than his regular bedtime. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Like in college, when you downed that fifth tequila shot, and hit on the tall girl with the Adam’s apple. Waking up the next morning with a monster headache, and a massive sense of what did I do, is nothing compared to waking, dressing and dropping off a pissed off sleep-deprived baby at daycare.

Babies Have No Sense of Sleeping in on the Weekend – This runs counter to my last point. Two-year olds haven’t grasped the concept of sleeping in on a weekend morning. Call it Baby Logic. You had a long week and decide keeping him up until 2am feeding him Coco Puffs and Cotton Candy washed down with three Red Bulls is the best way to get an extra hour of sleep on Sunday morning. Guess again. I guarantee he’ll be chirping the alphabet and climbing out of his crib at 6:30 the next morning.

Mommyitis is not for the faint of heart.

Mommyitis 2.0 – In previous posts I described Mommyitis as: the baby emitting ear-piercing screams, similar to those an adult makes upon stepping in a bear trap. Two-year olds scream just as loud, but now it takes less to trigger them. My son once became upset when he couldn’t find Mommy during a game of peek-a-boo. Children are an extension of their parents, watching him clutched onto my better half, has convinced me of this.

You Spend Less Time Visiting Friends – Say goodbye to socializing with all but your closest and bravest friends—especially if their home isn’t childproofed. Much of the visit is spent eating in shifts. My better half and I take turns chasing the baby, and keeping him from climbing furniture, cabinets and entertainment centers. That’s just for starters. We’ve been blacklisted from a few homes having small dogs that couldn’t defend themselves.

Two Year Olds are a Great Source of Birth Control – If you read this blog you noticed I’ve never mentioned having another child—not even once. I’m a responsible parent. I’ve gone to great lengths educating those who think raising a child is just like taking care of a puppy. I’ve taught, written and chased 19 year old employees at Costco, GNC and Target around the store, armed with words and a fully pissed off tantruming two-year old. Sure the wife shakes her head, and pretends she doesn’t know me while I doing this, but it’s for the greater good.

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A Guy’s Guide to Picking a Daycare Center

January 19, 2017October 23, 2018I'm Not Grandpa

Getting ready to go over the wall when he found out his daycare does not show CNN.

After Mommy and Me Class Esther and I talked about putting Cristian into daycare a few days a week so he could learn socialization skills playing with kids his age. Working from home meant gathering Intel on the local daycare centers was another item on the Honey-do list. I was in uncharted territory.

Becoming a dad at 50 and an uncle at 36 didn’t help. I had no part of raising either or my nieces, a decision they’ll thank me for as they get older. With no practice kid to make mistakes on, I was starting from scratch.

Since Cristian’s a one and done child we didn’t want to leave him with anyone, we wanted someone good. Our ideal caretaker possessed compassion and sensitivity but was quick on their feet and able to handle anything he could throw at them, I do mean throw.

Not All Daycare Centers are Created Equal. – Daycare providers vary in size and scope ranging from small setups in someone’s basement to large compounds resembling internment camps. They run the gamut from 5 children sitting around a TV all day watching the Disney Channel, to elaborate programs preparing toddlers for an Ivy-League education. At one site I sat next to a pregnant mother reserving a spot for her unborn child, six weeks after her due date.

Logistics and Reconnaissance – Being a parent less than two years required me to draw from my experience as a logistics specialist. I started with a Google search of every daycare provider within a 25- mile radius of home, 50-miles was just too much, checking all possible routes, factoring in inclement weather and traffic patterns. After numerous phone calls, I developed an understanding of all things a baby needs to perform at maximum efficiency, diapers, wipes, bottles, etc.

Then working with the diligence of a British Intelligence agent preparing Donald Trump’s dossier, I watched and observed Daycare Facilities checking everything from curriculum and reputation to compromising information on parents, neighbors and staff. I learned a lot, but chose not to post my findings on cleanliness and potty training on BuzzFeed.

Making friends with a mermaid at the Long Island Aquarium.

The Interview – After deciding on a daycare center, we scheduled an interview with the owner. Staying true to form, my better half looked for safety, cleanliness, and a stimulating curriculum—I asked if the staff had paramilitary training, Cristian’s tantrums get pretty bad. What sold me was the bouncy house in the backyard play area, perfect for tiring the most energetic toddler.

Summertime Blues – For his last days of freedom, Esther and I sent him off with style, taking him to the Beach, Sesame Place and the Aquarium—okay we enjoyed it too. Cristian ran up and down the Rockaway Beach Boardwalk, saw his favorite Sesame Street characters in a parade, and made friends with a mermaid. We found out he loves, water, marine life, and photo bombing tourists at the Aquarium.

Worries/Concerns – Esther and I differed on this one. As a Mom she worried about leaving the baby with someone other than family. I worried about getting a phone call an hour after dropping him off. “Mr. Priegue, we are refunding your deposit, please pick up your son.” We were curious how he’d react. Would he cry or panic? Not Cristian, as soon as they opened the gate, he went running in and didn’t look back. Was he asserting a sense of independence or just happy to see new toys to play with? We’ll leave that to the historians.

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50 Things I’ve Learned Since Becoming a Father.

June 29, 2016October 23, 2018I'm Not Grandpa

Time has a way of sneaking up on you. I have a hard time believing I’ve been a parent for over year and a half. Spending time with friends recently reminded me how much my life’s changed in that time. I love my son and being a dad, but it’s a lot of work.

This list is a public service to anyone thinking about starting a family. Take a good look, this is required reading. I invite any parent to add anything I missed or to share what lies ahead.

1. Did your better half’s pregnancy hormones make you look forward to your next prostate exam?
2. Did picking a baby name remind you of Congress trying to agree on immigration reform?
3. Let’s work on the nursery means she plans layout and design and you move furniture back and forth again, and again, and again.
4. Are your wife’s friends using possessive terms like our baby?
5. Are you calling them up at 3am because our baby was screaming like a banshee?
6. Did you carry your newborn son around like Mufasa carrying Simba at the beginning of the Lion King?
7. Did you show the baby to everyone on the maternity ward, including security guards and the maintenance staff?
8. Was putting the baby in your father’s arms for the first time the best gift you ever gave him?
  Dad holding Cristian. He was the best gift I could have given him.
9. Did it take you at least 45 minutes to figure out how to install the car seat correctly?
10. Did you put the baby’s car seat into the car gently like you were handing a carton of eggs?
11. Was driving your wife and child home from the hospital the slowest you’ve driven since you took your road test for your driver’s license.
12. Was your first night home alone with your baby the scariest night of your life?
13. Did the first few days of childcare make you feel like a sequestered juror on a high-profile trial?
14. Friends and family will want to see the baby. This isn’t a bad thing.
15. Remember when friends ask what can I bring, think big. It’s a limited offer so think surf and turf not chicken nuggets.
16. I’ve spent many a sleepless night wonder at the logic of giving a baby with a well-functioning digestive system prunes.
17. How long did it take to you to learn, babies will pee on you?
18. Have the words onesie, boppy and binky become part of your vocabulary?
19. Do the words Butt Paste make you giggle?
20. I’m convinced anyone advising sleep when the baby sleeps, never took care of a baby.
21. Things are easier if you know a good Baby Whisperer
22. You will be required to take your child on a Baby Tour for the benefit of family members who couldn’t make it to your home.
23. The dog or cat who was your child before the baby was born will go back to being a dog or cat. Sorry Chico.
24. Don’t expect to sleep through the night for a few years.
25. Why are the baby wipes and diapers always at the bottom of the diaper bag?
26. Few things in life change your mood faster than a diaper blowout.
27. Are you the only Dad in Mommy and Me class?
28. Am I the only Dad whose nipples were sore after Mommy and Me class?
29. Mommy and Me class will make you channel your parents.
30. Do you wonder who is more annoying Daniel Tiger or Caillou?
31. Competitive parents suck.
32. Don’t be too anxious for the baby to start walking. Trust me.
33. It’s okay to look silly in front of the baby.
34. Your home will look like the Jersey Shore after Hurricane Sandy.
35. Does Netflix and Chill mean you actually sit on the couch and watch a movie?
36. How long did it take you to learn there are no quick trips to pick up anything for the baby?
37. If you think babies don’t throw tantrums until they are two-years old, I have a surprise for you.
38. Is getting your toddler to sleep a Darwinian Survival of the Fittest?
39. Have you thought of putting a Fitbit on your toddler to see how many steps he takes in a day?
40. Do you compare notes with other parents on the strangest places you’ve found poop and puke?
41. Do you remember when being awakened at 3am meant you were getting lucky, now you hope the baby rolls over and goes to sleep once you’ve given him a bottle.
42. Are your iPhone and iPad high-tech pacifiers.
43. Have you told people, “Don’t let his smile fool you?”
44. Do you flood social media sites with pictures of your child?
45. Have your family and friends planned an intervention because of posting too many baby pictures?
46. Have you chased a twenty-something working in GNC around the store with your screaming child to reinforce the importance of birth control?
47. Do you think sitting in cramped airplane seat with a screaming toddler in your lap should be used as a fraternity-hazing ritual?
48. Your child will soon crawl in and out of his crib with ninja-like efficiency.
49. When you are singing Elmo’s Greatest Hits or humming the Pepa Pig theme, it’s time for a night out.
50. Everyone is an expert. You will get lots of unsolicited advice from all sides. Get used to it.

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Guest Post – Tips for the Comparing Mom

April 30, 2016I'm Not Grandpa

I’m excited to announce I’m Not Grandpa’s first Guest Post. Please allow me to introduce my new friend Lisa E Hill, a Child Development Consultant and Blogger.

It’s in our nature as human beings to always be comparing. It’s what we do every day in a myriad of situations and environments, we compare. Technology and the wonderful world of the Internet, has given us the ability to quickly read reviews on products and restaurants, thus comparing.

Is it not assumed that when we become mothers that we will continue to compare? It happens, but it is rarely something we will think about the months leading up to the delivery of our tiny humans. Oh sure, we will compare what breast pump to buy or what stroller to register for. We will compare child care centres and mini vans. But, the unspoken truth is we will compare the development of our babies to our friends babies and the babies we meet along the way. We will enter into the anxiety ridden, Google searching and Doctor calling comparing mom.

How do we get a hold of ourselves and take control over our constant comparing and worrying?

TIP #1 – IT’S NATURAL

Always remember that comparing is natural. It’s how we weed out the bad and focus on the good. It’s how you ended up with your sports car edition of the mini van.

However, it’s important to get a grip on the amount of time you spend comparing. Although it’s natural, it’s not natural to be completely overwhelmed and focused on comparing. If it starts to affect your ability to be present and involved with your child, you need to stop, take a breath and focus on why you are so worried.

TIP #2 – YOU WORRY FOR A REASON

Yes, you are now a mom. You have committed to an entire life of worry. You will worry about tiny things and bigs things.
I’m not telling you not to compare, I’m here to educate you on how to compare especially when it comes to your child’s overall development. You will compare, but if you have a worry then it is valid! It’s called your gut.

As my best friend was getting ready to leave my house the other day, she was talking out her worries that came straight from her continuous comparing. She finally said to me, “I need to just stop comparing!” Yes and no my friend! Comparing is natural yes, but if your worried and you continue to be worried, act on it.

TIP #3 – EDUCATE YOURSELF

There are developmental check lists available to you online, at your doctors office and various children’s centres. Take the checklists, use them and either ease your mind or call your doctor if you’re still concerned.

Whatever you do, do NOT take a bunch of “symptoms” and plug into the Google search engine! I mean it, do NOT do it! Yes, it’s easily accessible and there are SO many forums with other moms with the same concerns, but every story is different with different outcomes! Unless your googling developmental stages and expectancies, do not Google symptoms!

Education is the key to understanding and fostering your child’s development. Comparing your child’s development to children around you is natural yes, but educate yourself first. No need to get worried if you don’t need to! You have to remember that children grow and develop at varying rates!

TIP #4 – TALK IT OUT

Do not keep it all bottled up inside of you, this comparing and worrying business. Talk about it! Talk it out with your partner, your friend (yes even the ones whose child your comparing), your mom, community partners. Heck, talk it out with yourself. You have to take control of your anxiety now before it takes control over you. Talk to your anxiety and hash it out.

The more you talk about your concerns or worries, the more information you will receive. If you have talked about it, read about it and your still concerned, call your doctor. Again, go with your gut. Your still unsettled for a reason!

TIP #5 – SOCIALIZE

Do not sit in your house and analyze your child’s development over and over again. Get out and socialize. Go to community drop in’s. Visit a friend. Time and time again I have found many children who are behind in their development will flourish when consistently socialized with other children around the same age.

Getting out and socializing your child also provides them with varying environments to explore and expand on their exploding development. Not to mention it builds relationships for both you and your child!

TIP #6 – GO WITH YOUR GUT

It’s tough being a mom. No one said it would be easy and who even warned you that you were signing up for a life long sentence of worry?!

The one thing we are all equipped with is this little aching feeling that lies at the pit of our stomach and rears it’s ugly head when something feels wrong. It usually goes hand in hand with that voice in our head that also tells us that something could be wrong.

My point is, after you feel like you’ve talked about it a million times, you’ve Googled it (yes, I know you won’t listen to me and NOT Google it), you’ve provided ample opportunities to socialize and you feel like your fairly educated on it AND your STILL questioning and comparing and worrying… LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!

Remember, you compare because it’s natural, you worry for a reason and you act because you know you have to! Welcome to motherhood!

Lisa E. Hill is a Child Development Consultant who works with families who are struggling with everyday parenting issues and parents of children with Special Needs. Lisa strives to Simplify Impossible Parenting by offering strategies and suggestions, resources and 1:1 support to families worldwide. You can follow her blog Loud Parent here.

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